


Secret Santa with the Bats

by supreme_coffee_queen



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Batfamily (DCU), Christmas, Christmas Presents, Christmas Special, Cute, Gen, Gift Exchange, Gift Giving, Secret Santa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:08:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28095921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supreme_coffee_queen/pseuds/supreme_coffee_queen
Summary: Tim looked at the bowl of little pieces of folded papers in front of him. With a fervent chanting of PLEASE DON’T BE ALFRED. PLEASE DON’T BE ALFRED. PLEA- in his head, he picked one. He took a deep breath before he opened it, this piece of paper would reveal to whom he would be playing Secret Santa. And all he wanted was to open the chit and see a name other than Alfred on it.Steph and Cass persuade Alfred for a Secret Santa, Alfred likes the idea, and with a couple of rules, they are ready. Except choosing the gift is not easy. Not at all...
Relationships: Cassandra Cain & Damian Wayne, Cassandra Cain & Jason Todd, Dick Grayson & Alfred Pennyworth, Dick Grayson & Duke Thomas, Duke Thomas & Bruce Wayne, Everyone & Everyone, Jon Lane Kent & Damian Wayne, Roy Harper & Jason Todd, Stephanie Brown & Cassandra Cain, Stephanie Brown & Damian Wayne, Stephanie Brown & Jason Todd, Tim Drake & Alfred Pennyworth, Tim Drake & Bruce Wayne, Tim Drake & Kon-El | Conner Kent
Comments: 4
Kudos: 143





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello and Happy Holidays!
> 
> This is just a small idea I had that I just simply had to write!  
> So here you go!
> 
> :)

Tim looked at the bowl of little pieces of folded papers in front of him. With fervent chanting of PLEASE DON’T BE ALFRED. PLEASE DON’T BE ALFRED. PLEA- in his head, he picked one. He took a deep breath before he opened it, this piece of paper would reveal to whom he would be playing Secret Santa. And all he wanted was to open the chit and see a name other than Alfred on it.

He got Alfred.

It all started at dinner, three weeks before Christmas, when Steph and Cass convinced Alfred that having a Secret Santa was a great idea. And then, the rules were made:

  1. Do not forget to get a gift.
  2. Do not gift Damian another animal.
  3. Do not gift a weapon.
  4. Do not gift un-original gifts. Which means no books for Jason, and no art supplies for Damian.
  5. Do not gift Tim coffee.
  6. Do not gift anyone a gift card.
  7. Do not trade names.
  8. Do not reveal your name to anyone.
  9. Do not gift a gag gift.



And then Alfred placed a bowl in front of Damian, everyone picking a paper from youngest to eldest.

-

Duke tuned out the teacher, it was a discussion on book he had read quite a while ago; because well:

WHAT THE HELL DO YOU GIFT TO THE _RICHEST PERSON ON EARTH_?

What was he: a high school student, supposed to get Bruce freaking Wayne for Christmas?

Bruce Wayne can literally buy whatever he wants. A n y t h i n g.

He wanted to go ask Alfred but he also did not want to find out the consequence of breaking the rules, set by Alfred himself. He shuddered at the thought.

What does Bruce even like? Being batman? His kids? Fancy Cars? He sure as hell can’t get him that.

He was doomed. Or maybe not. Art class gave him an idea.

Nothing can beat a handmade gift, especially when it would be oozing with love and care and looking as if angels themselves had asked god to create it.

His “gift” was oozing with what he assumed was glue and something that smelt funky and looked like someone had thrown up glitter and paper on it.

He was doomed.

-

Steph was not mad at the name she picked, Jason was definitely not the worst person to buy a gift for, in fact she had thought up of something for everyone in her excitement.

The reason she was here, sitting on a cold rooftop on a snowy night watching Red Hood take out some goons was that gifting Jason books was off the table. Rules were rules, especially if they were set by Alfred.

She watched as he kicked and punched the criminals, his jacket swaying in the air. She sure could go for a jacket right now, it was getting colder by the minute. Or maybe one of those built in electric heating suits like Tim’s robin suit. She should ask him to make adjustments to hers.

And then it hit her. Jason’s snowball.

“Whatcha doin’ here Batgirl?”

She ran to where Cass was finishing up patrol with a quick “Nothing!”

-

Walking down the stairs, Dick could see Steph sitting with Cass at the counter, eating waffles. He had to make this as casual as possible, none of them should get even the slightest clue of what he is after, he has to act with strategy and behave normal so as to not attract suspicion. At least not from Steph.

“Hey guys, whats up?”

Both of them paused their gossip to look at him. 

“Wan shum waffuffs?”

“No I’m good.”

Both of them continued their conversation about some girl at the uni.

“So, um what is hot right now?”

“Waffle.” Cass says. “Warm, sweet.”

“Yeah uh, I mean what's trendy and in right now..”

“Ugh Dick you are ancient, just google it or something”

He had googled it, all he got were some random tabloid articles.

He sighed, making way to his room. He’d have to take a different approach.

-

Tim had an idea. Naturally, he told Conner about it, and obviously, the boy approved.

Which is why he was currently in a vent over the kitchen, spying on Alfred. Who was making sleeping arrangements for Jon Kent, who was over for a sleepover.

So far he had no idea of a gift to give to him. He was Alfred Pennyworth, the mad who works for the richest man in the world but actually sees him as a father. He was Alfred Pennyworth who knew everything (how else could he know what happened at school that day) He was Alfred Pennyworth, who could handle Demon Spawn. He was Alfred.

Then Alfred was near Tim’s room and Tim was there too, in the vents of course. Just before Alfred left the area turning to face the door of Tim’s room, he said “Master Tim if you could get to the dining room in time for dinner, after changing your clothes, it would be highly appreciated.” Tim breathed a sigh in relief. Alfred hadn’t caught up yet. The butler changed his direction in one swift move. “The vents must have accumulated quite an amount of dust by now, and we certainly do not want that all over the house.”

Fucking of course.

Just as he was about to move to a better spot to get out of the vents, he saw Damian walking to his room, with a bundle of teenage girl magazines under his arm. Tim blinked once. Twice. And after successfully stifling a snort, he heard Demon Spawn say “Tt. Drake. If you ever breathe a word of this to anyone, you will face dire consequences, you vent-dweller.”

-

Cass was wandering around the house. Looking for something to do. Steph was spending time with her mother, so she was alone. She could hear some voices coming from the home theater, so she poked her head in to see. Jason was watching some sort of a cartoon. A thing with a triangular hear and another with a rectangular head? Jason noticed her.

“Hey Cass, come on,” he patted the seat next to him. “You gotta check out Phineas and Ferb, you will **love** it!”

-

He slurped on the straw in his empty cup of milkshake. It was Saturday and Jason had a mission: buy the Secret Santa gift. It was of no surprise that Roy was late. “Hey Arse,” he gave a side hug to his best friend. “Late as usual?”

“Hey! It was Lian’s babysitter who was late, not me. Also, Arse?”

“Yeah short for Arsenal. Everyone else has a cutsie wootsie name for their partner, so I decided to join in on the fun, Arse!”

“Fuck you too.”

Jason slurped his empty drink louder as a response.

“Anyway do you even know what to buy or are we going to just roam around the mall?”

“Chill, I know what to get. Want a milkshake? There is this new place here, I tried it and it’s pretty good.”

“Yeah sure.”

“Let's go, _Arse_!”

“Ugh”

-

Batman was doing his job, beating up criminals, lurking in the shadows, helping the police, illegal vigilantism, capturing criminals and spying on his children.

How else was he supposed to get to know what to get his son as his Secret Santa? He made sure his children were not deprived of anything, being a billionaire made it ridiculously easy, but hey! He was still a good dad.

He saw his son making plans, kicking butt and just felt so proud. He handled everything so well, what could he give him?

-

“Oh my god Conner, he was right t h e r e. Does he really think we can’t see him? I mean at least I totally could see him, staring at me in all his creepiness.”


	2. Chapter 2

It was the day. Christmas Morning. All other gifts had been opened, it was customary to gift everyone else, but that was just boring lazy gifts, like socks, candy, gift cards. It was time for the reveal.

The unraveling.

The disclosure.

The unveiling.

The opening.

It was time to unwrap the Secret Santa presents. As much as everyone was nervous about their choices, they were curious for their own gifts.

The first to open his present was the master of the house. Bruce picked up the flat box which had his name attached to it.

-

Duke sat staring at the garbage of an “art project” he had made. It was a good idea, but he … simply did not have the skillset for it. And now he still had no idea what to get for Bruce. He let out a small cry of frustration and kicked a stone.

He stood waiting for Alfred, and his eyes drifted to things around him; the curb, a bench, a kid on the bench, who was sketching something. Reminded him of Damian. That kid sure had it easy, he could sketch Alfred the Cat’s butt and people would still love it for, heck even he would, drawing is difficult, even if it is a cat’s butt. If he had skills like Damian, he would make Bruce a family picture. Because Bruce loves his family.

A crisp honk of a _very_ expensive car brought him back to where Alfred was waiting at the driver's seat.

He fastened his seatbelt. It seemed like there was something he was missing. Something obvious.

He thought about it, long and hard. They were passing through the shopping district. It would be great to grab a gift now, but what?

As Alfred pulled into the parking, he finally got it. 

A family portrait, painted by a professional!

-

Bruce ran his hand over the painting, smiling at the carefully painted faces of his family; “It is beautiful, I love this gift.”

Ah yes, this was Duke Thomas, who played Secret Santa to the _richest person on earth_ and _pleased him_ as well. You can bow down now.

-

To say Dick was excited was an understatement. He could not contain himself, Bruce got a wonderful painting and it was beautiful. He looked as hot as he actually did in the painting. It was the best thing ever.

However. Seeing an envelope as his gift, his heart sank a little. He knew not all good gifts came in big boxes, but still.

He opened it. Inside was a piece of paper. His heart sank further. He took it out and-

hoLY SHIT IT’S A TICKET TO A JONAS BROTHERS CONCERT.

He squealed.

Tim noticed that Alfred looked extremely satisfied.

-

Jason had been eyeing the box with Red Hood wrapping paper on it ever since he saw it. It felt like the box was beckoning him to open it. When Alfred handed him the Red Hood box as his Secret Santa present, it was a very satisfying feeling.

The box was heavier than he thought it would be nevertheless, he ripped off the paper.

It was a sewing machine. 

A _sewing machine_.

His Secret Santa gave him a _fucking sewing machine_.

What the hell?

There was a printed note taped on the box.

So now you can alter, repair and maybe even create your own clothes.

Your sense of fashion is amazing and needs to be fed. ;P

Everyone was laughing but Steph was giggling more than everyone. Jason however, looked deep in thought for some time.

-

Tim looked at the roll of paper meant for him.

He got a roll of paper as his present.

He broke the seal and opened it.

On the paper, it was neatly printed with authoritative stamps:

Mr.Timothy Jackson Drake Wayne has been given two months off from Wayne Enterprises and being Red Robin. Along with it were tickets and itineraries of a planned trip around the world.

He expressed his joy for the amazing gift.

A vacation would be great.

-

Cass’s gift was a box, of a size which could fit a fully grown cat she noted.

Inside were two weird shoes. They had wheels on the soles. How would someone walk in them?

Noticing her visible confusion, Jason looked pained. Until Alfred explained to Cass that they were called roller skates and were used for recreation. She dragged her finger across the wheels of one, watching them spin with interest.

Jason breathed in relief.

“Perhaps you could ask Master Jason here to teach you how to use them, I remember him being proficient at the skill.”

Cass nodded earnestly and looked at Jason with pleading eyes to be greeted by a “yes, I guess..” from a reluctant looking Jason. But no matter how convincingly he rubbed his neck, she knew better.

-

Steph looked at her gift. It was the other big box, the first one was Jason’s. But seriously though, what a genius gift idea she had! She had always found Jason’s Red Hood costume good to look at. That cropped leather jacket? Wow. The colour scheme? _so good._ The red helmet? well... at least the current one didn't have those ugly nose and lips.

Plus she did NOT have any other idea, she was running out of time, it was a good gift okay?

She tore off the plain white wrapping paper which was adorned by a single Christmas themed bow.

It was a cute pastel pink box with delicate little hand drawn flowers scattered over it.

As soon as she pulled off the lid, floral aroma hit her in the face. The box was filled with home spa stuff. Bath Bombs, bath salts, lotions, scrubs, candles, fancy soaps, aroma oils and what not. And it was a LOT.

Wow. She did not expect this.

She thanked her Secret Santa, making it evident how much she loved this gift, which was _so_ much!

-

Duke was excited now, all signs of tension and nervousness had evaporated after Bruce smiled.

His present was an average looking box. An average looking box that had a PS5 in it.

This Christmas was shaping up amazingly.

Dick grinned. The video of the youtuber Pewdiepie he had seen had paid off. Who knew watching someone else “unbox” a thing could be so useful?

-

It was Damian’s turn to open his present.

He took a step toward the Christmas tree, but turned around to face Alfred.

“It would be disrespectful to not have you open the present before me Pennyworth,” he said and Dick cooed at his little brother’s manners. “So, you may unwrap yours before me.” He added to look like he did not care, but it was sort of too late.

Alfred chuckled and retrieved his box, it had a balloon in it, with a pin taped on the lid. He assumed he was meant to burst the balloon which said POP ME in a big comical font. So he did.

In it was a piece of paper:

Sorry your present has not been delivered yet.

He expressed that he would wait for his present.

-

Damian had also gotten an envelope. It had a card in it which asked him to go to the garden, the largest oak tree specifically.

Everyone followed him to under the oak tree where he stood gazing at the beautiful tree house which had “ _Damian’s_ ” etched on a wooden board attached to the tree.

He wanted to climb the ladder, push open the trap door, look around inside and feel the walls, smell the wood. But he wasn’t a child and could control his desires. He turned to his family and expressed gratitude toward his Secret Santa, for the gift.

Cass saw him exploring the tree house with wonder at 4 in the night. She felt happy, not only did she spend time with Jason watching his favourite show, but she made her little brother happy with a tree house like the one in the show.

-

Alfred looked at Jason holding Cass’s hand as she wobbled around in the roller skates. What an endearing sight. He turned around to go check the ballroom where Master Bruce was going to hold a party later in the week.

As soon as he switched the light on, he saw that the place was filled with holograms of balloons, and random looping videos of the family, a little drone came up to him and displayed a small hologram with the text of 'Your gift was a surprise! Merry Christmas Alfred!' 

When all the holograms slowly died down, there was a small box with bright red ruby cufflinks in it. (which he was seen wearing in the said event.)

Alfred smiled, the Secret Santa succeeded in his mission, he had indeed been caught surprised.

Tim gave cries of victory from the Batcave where he sat watching the footage from the ballroom. Finally he got Alfred. Nothing had ever surprised the man as far as he knew, at least not in the good way. Alfred always knew everything and after being caught in the vents, he decided that he would do something to surprise Alfred. He hoped Alfred enjoyed it as much as he did.

Bruce was very confused to see Tim in the batcave when he should be getting ready for his vacation. However, he had to tip his hat to his son, who passed him while heading for the exit and patted his shoulder, thanking him for the vacation.

A true detective.

-

Tim spread his legs on the deck chair on the deck of the cruise ship. A smell of pineapple wafted around, reminding him of Damian’s gift to Steph, he sure got a pleasant surprise from that.

Cass’s wasn’t difficult to not know about, a tree house was hard to hide from him, though she was successful in hiding it from Damian, the boy himself too busy scouring teen girl magazines 5 per minute looking for an "adequate" gift for Steph. Duke’s gift to Bruce was currently in the foyer, proudly displayed. And Duke himself thoroughly enjoyed Dick’s gift. He knew messing with Dick’s phone to put the video in his recommendation would be a good idea.

As for Alfred, Dick was always singing the old Jonas Brother songs from before their split ever since he was a teenager so that was hard to ignore, but it was still a great idea.

Steph’s gift however…

The delicately sewn apron Jason gave Alfred, with lots of ruffles and hearts, was cute. And the bonnet he made Damian, and got him to wear was a sight to behold. Dick’s crop top looked actually good on him, but then again what did not look good on Dick? Bruce’s hello kitty tie was a piece de resistance. Cass got a cute romper and Steph got a skirt that was a little rough (it was the first thing he made which was actually wearable) but cute.

Tim on the other hand got a bib.

A bib.

It wasn’t funny.

He smiled nonetheless.

-

Jon looked at the magnificent tree house, it was beautiful. He felt a pressure on his chin.

“Careful Superboy, lest you catch a fly in that.” Damian smirked.

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Hope you enjoyed it :)
> 
> Happy Holidays!


End file.
